Poem 13: Skipping Commercials

You are sitting in front of your television, but there are two shows you want to see

You record one while watching the other, how more simpler could things be

To me it’s such a blessing, it really is quite grand

Even if you forget, you can catch it on demand

Things weren’t always this way when someone missed their show

Trying to catch the rerun was the only option we would know

That meant having to wait for months for the episode that you missed

And happen to miss that one too? Now you were really pissed

Not until the eighties did the video recorder make its debut

Now we could record our shows and choose when we wanted to view

It had a built in tuner, which for the first time in our lives

Husbands could watch their live sports, while taping a show for their wives

You had to set a timer, make sure you pick the right channel for the event

Make sure the tape had enough room to record and off to work you went

As for television viewing, it was the best we ever had

But for all the advertisers, they were steaming mad

People could now fast forward through their commercials without a second look

All that money they spent on advertising was wasted, they were on the hook

Their funds they paid to networks in turn would back these shows

How they finally got around all this I don’t really know

Technology now has advanced to the outer fringe

Now if you want to, you can do what’s called a series binge

Pick out your favourite tv show, whether old or new

Watch every episode in succession, that is what you do

I now program all my sporting events, I seldom watch them live

They sit there waiting on my receiver’s built in drive

I program all the football games and this way I can watch them all

I don’t miss any of the action, or any penalty call

I have it down to a science and cut off so much time from the game

No matter what team is playing, it works out just the same

After the player is tackled, press the thirty second advance, that’s all

The next thing you see, they are in formation ready to snap the ball

If the team your watching is using the no huddle attack

Press the thirty second, and then the seven second back

I fast forward the commercials and skip the half time recap on the air

I got so many games to watch, I don’t need no spoilers for them to share

It cuts down a three hour broadcast to a little over an hour if you do it just this way

If you a true football fan you can watch all your games in one day

If you are watching hockey games, this works for you too

It’s basically the same thing, that you have to do

When the puck goes out of play or when the goalie blocks the shot

Press the thirty second advance again and they are facing off at the dot

Of course I fast forward the intermission and all commercials that they run

Close to two hours you have saved once the game is done

I’m  proud to say I haven’t seen Don Cherry in quite a while

Is he still wearing those drape patterned suits or has he finally changed his style?

This formula definitely will not work for baseball, you can skip commercials that is all

I lost a lot of interest in this sport when the Expos left Montreal

No matter what game your watching, quoting statistics is all they seem to say

It’s the most boring sport to watch, I got better things to do, ok

Most of us still skip the endorsements we simply refuse to view

They must of thought of another way of getting through to me and you

When we pass from this world whether it’s peaceful or be it tragic

These admen will be targeting you and your demographic

I think when we reach our final end we are all in for a surprise

It won’t be our whole lives that will flash before our eyes

It will be all the commercials that you avoided while you were alive

Tailored to your final age group on the day you didn’t revive

So if you only make it to middle age on the day you pass away

Ads about sports cars and travel you’ll be viewing I would say

If you make it to a ripe old age, this would be my assumption

Women would be seeing ads of menopause, and the men, erectile dysfunction